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Excerpt for Broken Butterflies Emerging Through Grief by , available in its entirety at Smashwords









BROKEN BUTTERFILIES



Emerging Through Grief, A Suicide Survivor's Poetic Journal




Karisa Moore







Broken Butterflies



Copyright 2018 Karisa Moore

Published by EA Books Publishing, a division of

Living Parables of Central Florida, Inc. a 501c3

EABooksPublishing.com

at Smashwords



All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including photo copying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher or the author.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are from The King James Version. The KJV is public domain in the United States.



Scriptures marked (NIV) are from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.



Scriptures marked ESV are taken from the THE HOLY BIBLE, ENGLISH STANDARDVERSION (ESV): Scriptures taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, ENGLISH STANDARD VERSION ® Copyright© 2001by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission.



Scriptures marked NLT are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION(NLT): Scriptures taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION, Copyright©1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois60188. All rights reserved. Used by permission.



Scripture quotations marked “BSB” are taken from The Holy Bible, Berean Study Bible, BSB. Copyright ©2016 by Bible Hub. Used by Permission. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.


ISBN: 978-1-945975-90-5



Smashwords Edition License Notes


This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.


Dedication

To all who grieve, struggle, and hope in the aftermath of depression, suicide, and loss.

God will not disappoint. He is faithful.

To my husband and children, I am grateful that we find hope, faith, and love together,

even in our sorrow.






Contents



Acknowledgements

Dear Caterpillar

Journaling

Surrender Your Wings



Born a Caterpillar

Death Touched Butterfly

Depression Ghetto

Repeating the Blues

Pickpocket

Sieve of Coarse Fortune (Haiku)

Ugly Duck Interrupted

To Be Continued

Earthquaked Soul

I Was Never Here

Lost to Suicide

Cradle of Prayer

The Funeral (Haiku)

Ripe Graves (Haiku)

Settled Smiles

The Void of Your Presence

Open Arrangements (Haiku)

Hope Snuggled Beneath Death (Haiku)

Hope Planted in the Soil of Grief



Shedding Suicide

Suicide Butterfly

Tiptoeing Around the Grave

Baptism of Possibility

A Waltz I Did Not Choose r

Clocking In

Jarritos Memories

You Knit Motherhood

Dusty, Concrete Realities

Box of Memories

Breathing Life into Strangers

Warm Yourself in My Eyes

The Collider

My Children Drew Me In

Gift Wrapped Grief (Haiku)

Unwrapped Sorrows

Climbing Suicide’s Crag

Dancing the Sanguine Blues

I Didn’t Press Replay

Memories

Two Lovers and a Friend: Grief Tug-of-War

Do I Really Matter?

Comforting the Comforter

Let Pain Sing

No Regrets Mother Mary



Cocoon of Circumstance

Cocooned in Depression Is a Butterfly

A Drop of Hope

Ladder of Words

Inside a Suicide Mother’s Locket

Depression Is Not Meant for the Church Coatroom

Grammar Checking Suicide

Becoming a Lamp in the Darkness

Hope in Our Cell of Circumstances

Testament Grit

Penny Poems

Aired Out

Grief on the Grill

Mountaintop Corner Office

Thanksgiving—The WD-40 of Faith

Working Out in God’s Gym

Grief Sings

Prayer Closet

Love: The Hand Scarred for Me



Flying with Broken Wings

Redemption Butterflies

God’s Tattoo

On the Cliff

Stumbling Through Depression

Nitty-Gritty Love

Pregnant Scripture

Christian Tomb Raider

Jesus’ Cologne

God’s Identity Crisis

Gambling Against God

Reduced to Prayer

Bathe in My Love

By the Sweat of His Brow

Two Stories Diverge

About the Author


Acknowledgments

God, nothing is impossible for you! Thank you for transforming what the enemy meant for evil into good.

To my husband and children, you are an endless supply of joy and inspiration for my writing!

To my blog readers, what a pleasure it is to turn the page on suicide with you! You are beautiful broken butterflies that encourage and inspire me to love and write more deeply.

Thank you to my mentor, Diane, your encouragement towards publishing helped this caterpillar work through fear and prepare to become so much more.

To the EA Book Publishing team, wow! You transformed raw text into a beautiful poetic butterfly.

Cheri and Wanda, your patience and kindness helped me to remain still while in the publication cocoon. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out and share the hope of Christ through poetry.

Amanda, thank you for bringing my butterfly to life. You captured the strength and beauty of our brokenness in your illustration.

Natalie, from the word, go, you understood the poetry, the purpose, and my overarching desire to bring hope to the readers. Thank you for editing my book!





Dear Caterpillar,

My oldest son took his own life in 2014. Devastation does not begin to describe how I feel as a mother. I wrestle with questions about God, whom I choose to embrace in my grief. Can I live with the fact that He is sovereign, but mankind also has free will? Is his plan good, even when the events of our lives are not? Like the Old Testament story of Joseph, I recognize that the enemy meant my son’s death for evil, but I remain wide open to God’s bigger story. A story full of surprising possibilities that transform ashes into beauty.

Through submission to God’s perfect will, I discover death does not have final say. Not over my son’s life, nor mine. The trials you are experiencing do not end God’s story. As I study scripture and glean wisdom from other survivors of depression and suicide, I see grace, love, joy, and peace abound when we stand firm in our impossible sorrows. Don’t be afraid to wrestle with God. His ways are not our own. It is in embracing the fullness of God’s character we find He is untamably good.

Becoming what God intends does not exempt me – or you, dear reader – from the difficulties life brings. Predators remain. Life is fragile. We may emerge a broken butterfly, but oh how others take note of God’s love and mighty power when we fly in our brokenness.

Are you cocooned in similar circumstances? Do you long to emerge a butterfly who trusts God fully? There are four stages of a butterfly: egg, larva, pupa, and adult. Like the life cycle of a butterfly, grief can be transformed into unexpected beauty.

May the poetry collected from my first three years of grieving offer hope, inspire and challenge you. We share familiarity in grief. Trust His provision, faithfulness, love, and perfect plan. Even if the wounds of this life seem to render flight impossible, I testify . . . you will fly in God’s strength.

Expect life to emerge from the cocoon of circumstances wrapped around you now. Grow still in the waiting. God is transforming us into beautiful butterflies who inspire others to fly with wings broken by depression.



Sincerely,

A Beautiful Broken Butterfly

Journaling

Just as I recorded the transformation of grief to broken butterfly, you have the opportunity to journal in the margins or at the end of each section. My poems come out of observing others, nature, scripture, and my own struggle. I found provision, promise and protection in grief through walks, new journeys, connections with family and friends. Even when I feel like closing off from the world, I have a few foundational tools that keep me moving forward. Meditation on scripture, writing, hiking, and photography get me unstuck when I start to grow stagnant.



As you read, discover core habits that you can practice and integrate. Observe and record your thoughts, questions, and scriptures. The poems themselves might trigger questions or thoughts or you can pick from the list included here.



1. What are your fears? For family? Friends? What are three simple scriptures to speak over those fears?

2. Create new memories: Make a list of 2-3 things you would like to do in honor of your loved one. Is there a special birthday event you could do every year?

3. How are you caring for your physical needs? Grief takes a lot out of the body. Hydrate, even if you can’t eat. What are three things that you will commit to doing for your body, even when you don’t feel like completing the task?

4. Social events can be difficult, but important to attend. Create a simple exit plan. How long will you stay? What events might be too much? Have some friends in place to help you if you look overwhelmed.

5. Emotions are all over the place in grief. Becoming aware of and identifying today’s feelings aid in healing. Emotions are tools of connection not weapons. What are you feeling today? What does God say about those emotions? Create a short poem (Haiku for example: 5-7-5 syllable lines) about today’s grief.


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