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LEARNING LIFE

Fabio Manenti

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© 2017 Fabio Manenti

manentifabio19@gmail.com


In base alle leggi sull’editoria, ogni riproduzione di

quest’opera anche parziale e con qualsiasi mezzo

realizzata, è illegale e vietata.

Ogni riferimento a persone esistenti o a fatti

realmente accaduti è puramente casuale.





























Foto di copertina:


© 2017 Lucia Ingribelli

lucia.ingri@gmail.com

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*

This is me

pulling my head

out of the sand,

unlocking the door,

grabbing my digital pitchfork

and going witch hunting.


Bear with me

my dearest of friends.

*

.

Patience


It's not that easy”

I told her.

Her face

contracted for a moment,

thoughtful.


But...

but you

and me

can do it together.”


A fly buzzed

trying to crush

the ceiling of the room

with its face.


We need patience,

that's all it takes.”


But I want it

now!”


Patience and,

if we're lucky,

enough time

to be patient.”


She put on

a childish pout.


I want it

now!”


The clock clicked

some more wasted seconds.


Look,

honey,

there are things in life

that take time and effort

to...”


I WANT IT
NOW!
NOW, NOW, NOW!”


The bell rang,

the guy

handed me an anonymous packet.

I gave him

some bills.


WOHOO!”

She was

jumping on the bed,

glowing

of a shiny smile,

too young

to contain herself.

We'll leave

patience

for another day.

Tango


Clenching my fists

to preserve the moment,

as I'm laying on the floor

writing

about my emptiness.


Life is a tango

where you try to steal a kiss

from Lady Happiness

'till the end of the song,

cause the next dance

is due to Lady Death.

Some more


"What the fuck

do you expect me

to fight for?

Do not,

I repeat,

DO NOT

call me again.

I won't answer.”


Some silence,

the painful type.


Well,

you can actually try,

and I may

or may not answer,

but you...

this time

you went too far with...”


Fuck this,

Marie,

you know what it's all about.”


She expects

some more,

she gets

some more silence.


Frank,

I'm done with this,

really.

Don't try

to calm me down.

Don't even try.

I'm sick and tired

of this situation.

One day

you love me,

the next one,

you disappear.

No calls,

no letters,

a vanishing motherfucker.

Poor men's Houdini.

Then,

you knock at the door

a week later

like it's nothing.”


Some more,

a tense one

this time.


There are situations in life,

we've all been there

at least once,

where you feel

that they want to hear the right words,

and you know

which ones are needed,

but you're too proud,

or drunk,

or stupid

to satisfy them.


You know

I need to stay alone.”


I know you're afraid.

You're afraid

of living,

afraid

of opening up,

you're afraid

of everything,

Frank,

what the hell

is wrong with you?”


Some more,

a loud one.


I don't know.”


Perfect!

Fantastic!

This clarifies

everything!”


Marie,

I have to go now.”


What?

Are you kidding me?

Do you think

you can get away

with this?

If you cross that door,

don't even think

of coming back.”


I crossed the door,

and she slammed it.

Some sobs

slipped under it.

Stairs were bright

in morning sunlight.

I walked down

for the last time,

while enjoying

some more.

I can't have

enough of it,

and she

couldn't understand.

The killer look


She had

a white wool hat,

tight jeans

and a bright

soft golf.

-6° outside.

She was staring

right in front of her,

that soft mouth

repeating the notes

she had on the table.


I was staring at her.


She turned her head

slightly to the right

and I was

right there,

my eyes nailed to those lips.


Her mouth

didn't stop,

nor did I.


We stared

at each other

for a moment,

then we both

went back to our notes.

Five seconds,

nothing more,

but I could hear

the loud crack

inside of me.

I glanced at her table

while leaving

and a mischievous smile

was there,

waiting for me.

That killer look

always gets me.

Try


Ten layers of fear

envelop my heart.

I can feel

the echoes

of wasted opportunities

shaking my bones

like earthquakes

of insecurity.

Head's aching,

sight is out of focus.


Are you

still there?

If so,

try.

I know

it's fucking scary.

I know

it sounds stupid,

and so remote

you're not even

really considering it,

but seriously

nothing will remain

if you just

don't go for it.


Try.

Some humanity


We were

at the bar.

This alternatively-looking place,

with weird paintings

of screaming faces

and animals

made of sharp lines,

empty contours

hanging from

colorful walls.

Light was great,

customers were silent.


I was enjoying

the calm.


Jesus Christ,

why is it so hard

some times,

and so easy

some others?


A dog,

a big

furry

white dog

started shouting

like an angry chimpanzee,

or an English professor.


Buch!

Hey Buch!

Shut up

you dusty mop!”

An old woman,

with a crumpled face

and long

dirty nails.

Time

wasn't clement with her,

but it wasn't her fault.


There's this

peculiar entity

sleeping

inside of everyone.

That dog

snapped

like someone threatened

that inner being.


The old woman,

with her

long skeletal hands,

reached the dog

and caressed

his big head.

The two of them

connected

for a brief moment,

and I could

fleetingly see

through that old

hairy skin

their inner beings

cuddle each other,

the old shrew

and the beast.


I chuckled

and ordered

some more muddy cheap beer.

Not too bad

of a place.


There's still

some humanity

floating around,

just not

where one thinks

he can find it.

Beatles and white walls


These pale

white walls

stare at me.

No one's sitting

next to me.

No noises.

No sudden moves.


Why

going through

all the hassle?

There's no point.

One does

something

because he feels like doing it.

What if

he doesn't feel like

doing anything?

What if

keeping his eyes opened,

breathing in

and breathing out

is already

too much for him

to deal with?

What if

these white walls

are everything

he can handle?


What if

this little rag of a soul

can't make it

through all the bullshit

the world throws at it?


Nothing's gonna change

my world,

nothing's gonna change

my world,

like that

old song

you may have listened to.


This is me

the most miserable

and self-destructive

me.

I'm naked,

pointless,

and defenseless

in front of

these

white walls.

Green Leaf Queen


Sitting at the bar
I hear the swift steps
of my queen,
tapping on the wood,
dancing for me,
twirling in her tight green dress.

A ladybug
fumbling
through the spilled remains
of my liquor
gifts me
of her most genuine company.

Don't stop dancing
Green Leaf Queen,
flit
and vault for me,
but please
please
dance 'till the end of times,
as I attend the show
and refill my glass,
only to have a chance
of emptying it again.

Sincerely yours, murderer


Dear Brianne,

I shot

two people

today.

Fellow soldiers cheered

at my shooting.

Those poor guys

were callow students,

sent on a stupid mountain

to defend an imaginary limit.

And I shot them.

I erased their names,

I destroyed their faces,

their eyes,

their swearing

foreign

mouths.

And people

clapped

at me,

for a good minute.


I don't think

I can keep doing this,

Brianne.

Love,

Francis.”


Dear Francis,

the line

is incredibly thin,

but crossing it may become a necessity.

You should remember

it's your life

you're fighting for.

It's you or them.

When all of that

will be over

I'll still be here,

waiting for you.

Your home will be here,

the wood,

the creek,

the dogs,

everything.

I miss you

Francis,

come back

as soon as you can.

Love,

Brianne.”


Dear Brianne,

I miss you too,

words fail to describe

how much I miss you,

or maybe

it's just me,

but this is not

a sustainable situation

anymore.

I'd give


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